Memories
by D-Channerz
Summary: Kenshin prepares to leave again. (K+K)
1. Part I

Title: Memories

Pairings: K+K

Disclaimers: They're not mine. -_-

Notes: Ah, my first Kenshin fic. Please bear with me. *looks around cautiously and then whispers* I've only seen six episodes! o.o;;; Yes, it's true. I'm a new Kenshin fan. Pity me, for I am poor and can't afford the rest of the series. X_X But hey, you can learn a lot in six episodes, right? Right. So, here's a spur of the moment fic that I wrote after getting inspiration from listening to the song "In Memories - Ko To Wa Ri" (I think...) from Kenshin that I downloaded the other day. It's amazing what you can come up with after listening to a new song. Um, the story is kinda sappy. Not the teeth rotting kind, but still sweet enough that it might cause a few people to get a little sick (especially when I get part two done. Be prepared to get drowned in sap!). ^_^;;; So, I hope you enjoy, and don't be TOO hard on me. Like I said, I'm not exactly a huge fanatic, and I'm still new, so please forgive me for any OOCness and such. R/R please! ^_^

--------

The dead field bore patches of blood, bodies lay scattered everywhere, and one man stood in the midst of it all. Standing silently as the soft red mist of the air passed above and around him. He closed his eyes, sheathing his sword, waiting for relief to wash over him at the end of the long and hard battle he had just endured. But relief never came. The pain in his heart had been numb, but now it was alive again, and it spread like a wildfire all over his body. The pain of knowing what he had done. Not a single survivor except him. He had killed them all. He was a murderer. A murderer. He fell to his knees and looked up at the hard and cold sky. He opened his mouth wide and let out a loud and mournful cry, blood from his wounds coursing down his body, and the single cross shaped scar on his cheek seeming to glow in the dusk. He was dying. Not from the outside, but inside. The pain grew stronger, and stronger, and tears rolled down as his cheeks. And there, in the middle of that bloody field, the Battousai died... And was reborn, his former soul tucked away within himself, and a new soul was created...

-----

"Kenshin? Kenshin, are you in there?"

Kenshin Himura snapped out of his daze and looked up to see a very concerned looking Kaoru. There he was, sitting on the porch of the dojo, in the middle of a warm spring day. The air smelled of cherry blossoms, not death or decay. The sky was a clear blue, not a dark and hazy gray. There were trees and lots of flowers, not dead grass and weeds. 

"Oro? Yes Miss Kaoru?" he said, blinking rapidly as he tried focusing his vision. Kaoru smiled down at him and shook her head.

"Is everything all right? You certainly were out of it a few minutes ago." she said as she sat down next to him on the porch steps. He smiled back at her and then looked at his hands.

"Yes, I was spacing out a little, that I was. But I'm all right Miss Kaoru. No need to worry." he said, knowing he was lying and hating himself for it. He was far from being okay. He was too busy remembering his cold blooded past, and it was all he could think of. Every single day it haunted him. He wished he could just forget and start all over, but his past was apart of him. Just like the Battousai was apart of him. Which is what made him... a murderer.

Kaoru noticed Kenshin's silence again, and she sighed. "Kenshin, tell me what's wrong now, or I won't leave you alone!" she said as she folded her arms across her chest and waited for an answer. Kenshin looked up in surprise, and tried to put on another fake smile, but it didn't work. She was watching him intensely, her dark blue eyes narrowing as he continued to sit in silence. 

"Fine, if you won't say anything, then... then..." she fished around for a good enough threat to use on him, but she couldn't come up with anything. Kenshin looked so sad, and it killed her to know that something was wrong, but he wouldn't tell her what it was. She didn't want to seem him like this, ever. He was too sweet of a person to have such a look on his face.

"Miss Kaoru..."

Kaoru perked up, looking back at him expectantly. Kenshin took in a deep breath.

"I... You know about my past..." he began. Kaoru opened her mouth to say something, but Kenshin looked up to stop her. "I've been trying to run away from it, and... I know that maybe I shouldn't pretend that everything is okay, because it's not, and-"

"Kenshin, no! Everything's okay now, really!"

"Miss Kaoru, please..." He reached over and took the girl's hand, trying to find the right words to say. Kaoru blushed, and squeezed his hand for encouragement.

"It's okay, Kenshin... You don't have to worry. You can tell me anything."

"I know that. You're very kind, that you are. But I just don't think that I... I can't keep pretending. I can't keep lying to you, or Yahiko, or Sanosuke... Everyone."

"...What are you saying, Kenshin?" 

"I can't stay here. I have blood on my hands, Miss Kaoru, that I do. Blood that will never wash off. I've killed so many, and for what? Justice? Taking innocent lives... that's not justice. If you could have seen what I saw... You would understand. But I never want anyone to see it, or feel what I have felt. No one should ever have to go through that. No one should ever have to feel such pain..." The fiery haired man paused, and closed his eyes. 

"I shouldn't have killed all those people. No matter who it was, or how evil they were, everyone deserves a chance to live. ...Except me. I deserve nothing. For I have killed many without cause because I thought that what I was doing was right. Me, the Battousai... I deserve death." He opened his eyes again, and Kaoru looked at him as tears streamed down her face. He turned to her and smiled sadly.

"I love you all too much to stay. I don't want to taint you with my-"

"Kenshin!"

Kenshin gasped in surprise as Kaoru threw herself into his arms and hugged him tightly.

"I won't let you go, Kenshin! This is stupid... everything you're saying... Don't you think you're worth more than that? How can you say such things... After all we've been through together!" she cried. 

Kenshin felt tears prick his own eyes and he sighed as he wrapped his arms around the girl he loved and admired so much. He looked up to her because of her kindness and compassion, but most of all, her innocence. He hoped she would never have to shed another human's blood. Him being there though... That was the problem. What if the curse of his past returned and captured her in its grasp? What if he hurt her? What if he... killed her? Like the one he had given his heart to a long time ago... The thought of losing another one he loved because of his own foolishness made his heart twist in agony, and he wrapped his arms tighter around Kaoru.

"Please don't go, Kenshin... You left already once before, and now that I have you back..." the dark haired girl whispered intensely, "I can't live without you. I... I love you, Kenshin. More than life itself. Please, don't leave me..."

Kenshin swallowed hard and let her words run through his mind. _She loves me. I knew, that I did... But I didn't think she could love me like that..._

"Miss Kaoru..." he whispered softly. Her head shot up and she looked at him almost angrily.

"I hate that... I hate it when you call me 'Miss'. Why... Why can't you just call me by my name?" she asked, more tears starting to fall. Kenshin then truly did smile, and reached up to brush the fresh tears away.

"I'm sorry for displeasing you, Kaoru." he said, and Kaoru looked down at the ground.

"Are you still going to leave?" she whispered, the fear in her voice strong. Kenshin pulled her into his lap and turned her so that she was facing him. 

"I do not wish to see you so upset, that I don't. I know that if I had left before you told me how you felt, so many things would have been left unsaid..." he said, and leaned forward to kiss her softly. Immediately Kaoru's cheeks went red, and she tentatively kissed him back. It was a little awkward for her at first, but as the kiss continued, she slowly began to relax, and she placed her arms around his neck. 

Kenshin smiled into the kiss, but in his mind he was sighing. _I'm sorry Kaoru... I'll miss you most of all... I love you too._

~End Part I~

---

R/R please! I'll try really hard and get Part II done... I promise! o.o *looks at all her other multichapter stories gathering dust* X_X 


	2. Part II

Part II – Had a little trouble finishing this off. Sorry it took so long posting it. ^_^;;; Enjoy, and don't forget to R/R!

Oh, and by the way-

Italics=thoughts and flashbacks

Just incase some people get confused… ^^;;

--------

The sun was just starting to rise in the sky when Kenshin had finished packing up his few articles of clothing and valubles in a sack. He left his room, watching for any signs of Yahiko or Kaoru walking around. He was sure they wouldn't be up though since it was so early. He headed for the gate, trying hard not to look back. When he reached the entrance, he paused. He heard the sound of footsteps on the porch. He turned slowly, only to see nothing. He blinked and narrowed his eyes. Then he shook his head and turned around again.

-----

Kaoru stood on the porch, watching as Kenshin closed the gate and made his way down the road. Tears streamed down her face as she watched him go. She knew that he wasn't going to stay, even as he held her in his arms yesterday. The man could be really stubborn sometimes. She hated herself for not chasing after him, but what would have been the point? He probably would have worked the same old charm on her, telling her that he was sorry, making promises he knew he couldn't keep, and then he would have continued on his way. Kaoru loved him with all her heart, and she knew him so well now that it was easy to figure out what he meant when he said things. She knew Kenshin never meant to hurt her, but she couldn't help but feel betrayed.  

_Why did you do this to me, Kenshin? Why did you do this to _yourself_?_

-----

It was mid afternoon when Sanosuke arrived at the dojo. He'd spent all of last night and early morning with Megumi, and he had one hell of a headache at the moment. Too much sake--and Megumi. He wiped the sweat off his brow and looked around. It was incredibly quiet. By now there should have been the usual cries of Kaoru and Yahiko fighting, or Kenshin's constant 'oro's as he tried to complete his daily chores with all the ruckus behind him. Instead it was eerily silent, and he wondered if something really bad had happened. 

Suddenly he heard a door slide open, and out walked a very upset looking Yahiko. 

"Hey kid, what's wrong? What happened?" he asked, walking over to him. Yahiko looked up at him, and Sanosuke could see that he was holding back tears.

"Kenshin is gone. He left this morning." the boy said, looking away angrily so that the older man wouldn't see him crying. Sanosuke didn't reply and just looked down at the boy for a moment before walking past him to look for Kaoru. 

He found her sitting in the kitchen, sipping a cup of tea very slowly and looking like she was in a completely different world.

"Jou-chan... Why did he leave?" Sanosuke asked as he sat down at the table across from her. Kaoru stared at him, putting her tea down with a sigh. 

"I wish I knew." she said softly, looking up at him. Sanosuke shook his head and frowned. This was _not _doing anything to help his head ache. He ran a hand through his unruly hair.

"Was it your cooking?"

"Sanosuke!"

Sanosuke sighed. Well, he tried to make her feel better. But when he looked at Kaoru's face and saw the tears in her eyes, he knew that this was definitely not a laughing matter.

"I could always go look for him..." he said, wishing there was something he could say to make everything right. He really wanted to know why Kenshin left in the first place, but he had a pretty good idea it had to do with his past. That was something he knew Kenshin could never let go of, even though he wished he could.

"Sano... There's no use. He doesn't want to stay here. We can't force him." Kaoru said. _I can't force him to stay with me forever like I want him to..._

"You love him, don't you?"

Kaoru didn't reply, and Sanosuke smirked. It was obvious. He knew that she loved Kenshin as friend and watched over him, but somewhere deep inside he also knew that it was more than she let on. It was evident in everything she did and said to Kenshin. 

It was quiet for a few more moments as Sanosuke thought, and then cleared his throat.

"Jou-chan, you know he loves you."

Kaoru looked down at the table and bit back a sob.

"He never meant to hurt you. You and I both know Kenshin well enough to understand that. But you know why he left... That was something important to him. He never wants to hurt anyone ever again. For him, that comes with a sacrifice. He left to protect you, Jou-chan. To protect Yahiko." Sanosuke said.

"I know that already. He told me his reasons, but I don't agree with them at all. He's hurting us more by leaving than staying! I love him, Sanosuke... I love him more than anything. Maybe if I had told him sooner, he wouldn't have left... Or he probably would have anyway. He deserves so much better..." Tears rolled down Kaoru's pale cheeks, and Sanosuke reached over to wipe them away.

"You know that's not true. You both deserve each other. Nothing you did caused him to leave. Nothing."

"But that's just it! I didn't do anything! If I had done something, he'd still be here!" 

Sanosuke stood up from his chair and placed both hands on Kaoru's shoulders. 

"Jou-chan, trust me. He's coming back." he said, moving down a little so that their eyes were at the same level.

"H-How do you know?" Kaoru asked, blinking in surprise.

"I just know. Once he gets his thoughts together and realizes what he's leaving behind, he'll return." Sanosuke replied, and gave her a half smile.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I think I hear a bottle of sake calling me... As well as a certain young swordsman-in-training." he said, standing up again and leaving the kitchen. 

Kaoru watched him leave, and sighed. She never knew Sanosuke to give advice on things of this matter before. She smiled a little. It was nice to hear him say something positive without complaining about her cooking while he was at it.

_I hope he's right though. Please come home Kenshin... Please..._

-----

Kenshin stopped on the road to sit underneath a tree and rest for a moment. He'd been walking all day, and although he wasn't really tired, he needed to sit down and think. He rested his head against the trunk of the tree and closed his eyes. The smell of cherry blossoms wafted around him.

_Cherry blossoms... again..._

He sighed as thoughts ran through his head. His Friends... Kaoru... Home... He opened his eyes and stared up at the sky. For a mere second he thought about turning back, but he quickly forced the idea into the back of his mind. He couldn't go back, even if he wanted to. Not after what he had done.

He had become the wanderer again. The man who went without a purpose, just walking wherever he could go, never looking back. He couldn't look back. He couldn't allow himself to remember. He had done it before, and he could do it again.

-----

_The night was still, no stars in the sky, and a slight mist hung above the ground. The Battousai made his way through the darkness, moving without a sound, almost like a ghost. And that was what he felt he was now. He no longer existed in his mind. He was someone else now. A part of him had changed. He was no longer the manslayer, no longer a bloodthirsty killer. He would leave that all behind now. And if walking to the ends of the earth made him forget, that was what he would do. The farther away, the better. And no one would ever see him again, or know of his past, his old self. _Ever_._

_His sword was still in his hand, and he stopped under a tree to sheath it. It made a loud clinking sound as he did so, and his eyes widened. For the first time... He felt it. He felt... relief. He would never raise his blade and take another human life as long as he lived. _

He turned back to the road, and another strange thing happened. He smiled. Maybe... This road could take him somewhere. It could lead to something. Maybe somewhere along the way, he would find closure. Somewhere...

-----

Kenshin stared down at the ground, thinking.

_'Don't go, Kenshin... Please, don't leave me...'_

Kaoru's words stung, interrupting the distant memory, and he felt his breath hitch in his throat.

No, he couldn't forget. It was too hard. Too hard to just run away from it all. He couldn't go back to that life again. And even if it didn't kill him, it would kill her. Could he really just leave her? Could he allow himself to lose another? 

He had been right that one night, long ago. He _had_ found something. He found acceptance, and love. He found Kaoru. That was what mattered to him, not the past. He couldn't give up what he'd been searching for.

Kenshin stood up quickly, and got back on the road.

-----

Kaoru was sitting outside in the grass, enjoying the cool breeze of the night air against her skin. Today had been a very hard day. Without Kenshin, chores just seemed to pile up. Not that it bothered her. Anything to take her mind off of her recent heartbreak. She needed something to get away from it all. Yahiko had done the same; he hadn't been around the dojo at all today. Kaoru assumed Sanosuke took him out somewhere to make him feel better. She also assumed that he wouldn't be returning until early morning. Sanosuke had a tendency to do that, and sometimes it irked her that he could keep a child out so late, but at the moment it seemed like a good thing to do. 

She looked up at the evening sky, watching the stars twinkle dimly. She wondered if Kenshin was watching those very same stars at the moment. She wondered how far he had gotten, and where he was headed. 

Maybe he'll find another girl to fall in love with… 

Kaoru looked down bitterly from the sky to the ground. She didn't want to think about such things. Knowing that Kenshin could fall for someone else… Knowing that he was somewhere out there, holding another girl in his arms, and giving that girl his affections… It hurt, and she felt the tears spring up in her eyes again. 

_No… I won't cry. I have to be strong if I'm going to have to learn to live without him._

But the tears came anyway, and she rested her head on her knees. 

"Kenshin, why? I told you not to go, but you did anyway… What did I do wrong? What did I say to make you leave me?"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing."  
  


Kaoru jerked her head up at the sound of Kenshin's voice and she saw him standing a few feet away from her, his sack lying on the ground. She hadn't even heard him come through the gate. 

"Kenshin, you-"

He put a finger to his lips, and walked over to sit next to her. "You did nothing wrong, Kaoru. Nothing at all."

Kaoru stared at him for a second, and then threw herself into his arms. Kenshin smiled and hugged her close.

"It was my fault. I left you, even though I knew it was wrong. I was being a fool, and it took me this long to figure it out. You're what I've been searching for, Kaoru. I thought I'd never find peace, and then I met you, and… everything changed. I can hardly believe that I walked away, and almost left this behind. I would understand if you never forgave me, but I promise you with my whole heart, body, and soul that I will never leave you again. That goes for both sides of me. But… do you really want that?

Kaoru looked up at him kissed his nose. "Baka. I want all of you. I don't care about anything else. And you can never leave again, because…"

She paused, and kissed him on the lips briefly, smiling at the way his cheeks turned almost as red as his hair at the unexpected action.

"…once you're here, you're stuck with me forever. And nothing you do will ever make me let you go."

Kenshin could only sit there and gape at her, before crushing her against him and burying his face in her hair. 

"I don't ever want to hurt you. I don't ever want to leave you again. I'm so sorry, Kaoru." he whispered, and Kaoru felt something drip down onto her hand. A… tear?

"I forgive you Kenshin. I love you." she said, stroking his back soothingly.

"I love you too, Kaoru. Now and forever."

~OWARI~

-----

Aww, sappy ending, eh? ^_^;;; I'm so bad at these romance stories, but for some reason I love reading and writing them. I can't help myself. I hope the characters weren't _too _OOC. I tried to keep them in character… I really did! o_o;;; *dodges rotten fruit* @@;; 

Um, once again, I'm sorry for the delay. But hey, I finished it, didn't I? Finally! My first multi chapter story on FF.net, completed! Woo hoo! *throws confetti* Well, now that I've got this done, I can start working on other projects… *looks helplessly at her other stories* Okay, hope you enjoyed the story. Reviews would be just fantastic! ^_^


End file.
